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Hi guys.

I just want to vent and share my misery, I suppose. I have wanted for a while to get a second bird, so I had gone through the process of adoption of a rescue through a sanctuary near me. We started last year then COVID hit. We resumed last month and it all went really fast.

I saw this conure at the sanctuary and I fell in love - we had Monty do visits to see if they would get along positively and thing all seemed well at the time. They said they would bring them both back together and we would have the conure - separate cages etc. We brought them back on Saturday and I was feeling apprehensive but I thought this was what I wanted. The sanctuary does a foster to adopt program for 6 months, in the 6 months you can return the bird if you need and it's totally fine. I had done a bunch of research on conures, we were totally ready, I felt committed and like I wanted it.

After Saturday I suddenly felt intense anxiety surrounding the new addition. They absolutely loved my partner, which wasn't a problem but they had a biting issue I thought I would be able to handle, I've trained birds before and it's not a hard thing to do. But I was having panic attacks and I couldn't sleep and I was crying at all random times of the day. I thought that if anything happened to Monty I would be devastated and even though they appeared to get along - what if they suddenly didn't when we are in the home environment?

So I made the decision that I couldn't handle it at all. The conure is really sweet and playful minus the biting, so I feel SO AWFUL. The sanctuary says it's no problem, they'll be totally fine and be adopted out and they have to be the right fit for the family but the dumb thing is, it's not even the conure's fault, it's my fault for being so worried. So they are taking them back on Thursday. I just feel so dumb for going through with it, we had an impending lockdown here in Ontario so I felt like I had to make the decision right away and thought "well I've wanted a second bird for so long so this is a good idea".

My partner is mad at me for going through with it, especially as the parrot really likes him. Monty definitely prefers me but I was thinking about it and realizing that I do the majority of the parrot care so I would be the one doing the training, the feeding, the vet visits, the payments etc. and realized that if I don't feel comfortable with everything, I would be miserable. It's not about the bird liking him more, that really isn't a problem for me.

I guess I just wanted to commiserate with other parrotlet owners. They're so small and so precious and I just love my bird so much. I don't know why I had such a strong anxiety reaction, and I feel really stupid and selfish and awful. Our other option was a linnie and I feel as though we should have gone for that as the size is so much more comparable. Also the two birds had a little squabble yesterday and that sent my anxiety into overdrive.

Can anyone relate? Feeling pretty crummy this week.
 

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Aqueilo, I am sorry, it really sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride trying to decide what is best to do. Others may disagree with me, but I think it is better not getting a conure at this time. This is my two cents worth - as lovely as conure's are, they are parrots, which means they are aggressive and territorial. Because conure's are much bigger than parrotlets, with larger beaks, if ever there was ever a squabble between them that turned into a bad fight, Monty would probably come out the loser in the deal, either getting injured or killed. What I think has happened is that you love Monty so much that your "mom" instincts kicked into gear making Monty your first priority. Trust your instincts and your gut about it and do not feel dumb, you are just disappointed because you were so set and excited on getting a new baby to love. Monty is lucky to have a mom that loves him so much and I am sure he loves being the one and only bird in your life. Hugs to you! Tell Monty that Cleopatra says hi! 馃惁
 

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You definitely made the right decision for you and you had put a lot of thought into it. Your health is definitely important. It actually was ideal situation that the rescue has a foster to adopt policy where you can return the bird if needed. Monty is very lucky to have you as his owner.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Aqueilo, I am sorry, it really sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride trying to decide what is best to do. Others may disagree with me, but I think it is better not getting a conure at this time. This is my two cents worth - as lovely as conure's are, they are parrots, which means they are aggressive and territorial. Because conure's are much bigger than parrotlets, with larger beaks, if ever there was ever a squabble between them that turned into a bad fight, Monty would probably come out the loser in the deal, either getting injured or killed. What I think has happened is that you love Monty so much that your "mom" instincts kicked into gear making Monty your first priority. Trust your instincts and your gut about it and do not feel dumb, you are just disappointed because you were so set and excited on getting a new baby to love. Monty is lucky to have a mom that loves him so much and I am sure he loves being the one and only bird in your life. Hugs to you! Tell Monty that Cleopatra says hi! 馃惁
Thanks for the words of encouragement. That's pretty much exactly what happened. I want to spread my love around to more family members and I know I have room in my heart for another bird but we brought them home and I just felt so protective of my parrotlet and he's just my absolute baby that I've had for 3 years and I couldn't imagine him getting hurt.

I also realized that my partner may not be on the same page as me with the training required for the biting and the behaviour. We are lucky that Monty is a even tempered and affectionate parrotlet, but he still bites from time to time. I can't put in the work training the new conure, suffering the biting and then have my partner unwittingly undo it all. Training out bad behaviours in parrots is such a challenge although doable and requires such consistency. You can't have two people do different things.

Monty says hi from his night night coconut :)
 

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Sometimes, our guts tell us what our brains can鈥檛 articulate. I can鈥檛 count the number of times I鈥檝e had second thoughts and they proved correct in the long run. Not to mention, panic attacks are no fun. I wouldnt do anything until those calm down. Just be good to yourself and try later when the time is better.
 

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Aqueilo, You , in my opinion, need to return the new addition. This has caused a negative upheaval in your life and if your partner really understands your feelings in this matter, your partner should back you 100% on any decision you make. I have found that it is better to follow your " gut " feelings, especially if that feeling is disrupting positive feelings in your life. The ' take back ' policy from the adopting agency is a good and sound policy. Return the conure without guilted feelings and you will feel much better. You are a special person in my eyes. People like you have a good and gracious heart because you made that ' leap ' in trying adoption. If it doesn't feel right to have a conure for any reason, then do the right thing!

David and Vicki
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you all for your kind comments.

Still feeling bad. My partner has really bonded with the conure and seeing him crying is quite upsetting. He also said in grief that "I'm taking the bird away" which really made me upset. It was never my intention to do that.

Things have been really tough and tense in my house. Been having a really tough time with everything, with life, with COVID, with not seeing my family for weeks. Vaccination has been slow here. I won't be vaccinated for months because I'm young and healthy (which isn't a bad thing). I just miss my life. I still see my therapist regularly but it's not really getting much better.

Sorry for the feelings spill. There's just not a lot of people to share with nowadays.
 

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You can write the forum all you want! Tell us about your bird and your life, too. I have been helped many times in this forum. I like the Chit Chat forum where you can write about other subjects. I blended my problems with the difficulties I had raising a p'lett. When my Bogie had problems, I had problems too. I always got comfort in this forum and I felt better after I got some advice from the members. Most of the forum members really care about you and your relationship with your bird. Some even give good medical advice, but you know you should always have a vet look at your bird if there is a serious health problem. Keep writing us. I know I will listen as long as I'm able to do so. Give yourself a big smile in the mirror.

Dave
 

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I think this a natural reaction to a new bird not working out. Don't be so hard on yourself, you absolutely did the right thing. It's better to admit you are not the right forever home and allow the bird an opportunity to find his best fit. I guarantee the sanctuary is also thankful you didn't try to make a stressful situation work just out of guilt when you knew it was not a good fit. Hugs
 
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