~~~Funny Things/Jokes I Read Today~~~
~~~~~~~FROM February's Reader's Digest~~~~~~~~
EXCUSES GIVEN TO MINISTERS FOR NOT BEING IN CHURCH ON SUNDAY:::
--" I couldn't get the lid off the peanut butter!"
--" The church is too close to drive to and too far to walk! "
--"Both my girlfriends attend the church there! "
--"The Pastor stays in the Bible too much! "
--"The Pastor is too attractive. When I see him preaching, I have impure thoughts and I am distracted! "
--"My wife cooked bacon for breakfast and our whole family smelled like bacon! "
--"The worship leader pulls up his pants too often. It's distracting! "
--"I always get hemorrhoids on Sundays!"
--"Someone called me brother instead of using my name! "
These are real excuses!
One morning, Emma woke up with a start. Her husband, Jim, asked what the matter was.
" I had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day, " she said. " What could it mean? "
" You'll know tonight, " Jim said slyly.
That evening, Jim came home with a small package for his wife. Emma ripped open the wrapping paper, tore into the box, and pulled out her gift--a book entitled, " The Meaning Of Dreams! "
I describe my husband's style as: " Is that what your wearing? "
HERE'S SOME THINGS YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HEAR A 3 YEAR OLD SAY::::
--" Don't need it. Already have three. Let's stick to our shopping list,"
--" It doesn't matter how we did it yesterday. Things change! "
--" Here's your phone back. "
--" For Pete's sake, Dad! It's 3:30 in the morning. Pleas go back to bed-you're starting a new job, and this is the night you really need some decent sleep. "
--" Yep, that's how I wanted it done. You've nailed it again! "
--" I put Daddy's keys and wallet under the bed, in case you want to know."
I hope you enjoyed some of these.......
Let me know if you did.