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Chit Chat Talk about anything here! Keep in clean.

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~~~ Funny Stuff~~!!

~~Just A Little Humor, Methinks!~~

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Old 06-10-2020, 10:55 PM   #1
David Miller
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Exclamation ~~~ Funny Stuff~~!!

Got my new Reader's Digest today......I was bored, so here are some funny jokes I ran across ( I think they are funny)..They were listed from A to Z. I won't be listing them all, just some. Here goes...




(A)....Animals---A man is standing on the curb preparing to cross the busy street. As soon as he steps down onto the pavement, a car comes screeching towards him. The pedestrian picks up speed, but so does the car. The man turns around and hurries back to the sidewalk, but the car changes lanes and heads directly for him! The petrified pedestrian freezes in the middle of the intersection. The car closes in on him and at the last possible second screeches to a halt! The driver's-side window rolls down, revealing a squirrel behind the wheel.
" See, " sneers the squirrel, " it's not so easy, is it? "


(B)
( Man walks into a Bar)
A man walks into rooftop bar and takes a seat.
" What are you drinking? " he asks the guy next to him.
" Magic beer," the guy replies.
" Oh, yeah? What's so magical about it? "
" Watch. " The guy swigs some beer, walks over and dives off the roof, flies around the building, and then returns to his seat with a triumphant smile on his face.
" Amazing! " the first man says, " Lemme try some of that!"


He grabs the beer, quaffs it down, leaps off the roof--and plummets 15 stories down to the sidewalk.


The bartender shakes his head. " You know, you're real nasty when you're drunk, Superman."


(C)
( Chickens crossing the road)....


Why did the chicken cross the road?
CIA: " Give us 5 minutes with the chicken and we'll find out."



(C) Crises: Midlife-
A married couple is sitting in the living room sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, "I love you."


" Is that you, or the wine talking?" asks the husband.


" It's me, " says the wife. " Talking to the wine."


(F)Funerals..


According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means, to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy! Jerry Seinfeld, comedian.



(L) Lawyers...


A lawyer sent a note to a client, it read: " Dear Jim: I thought I saw you on the street the other day, so I crossed over to say hello, but it wasn't you, so I went back.


(bill--one tenth of an hour: $25 )



Talk about how lawyers want to get every penny from a client, except...It was so cold outside that the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets for a change.


(P) Phones....


A woman walks into the doctor's office with both of her ears burned.
"What happened?" asks the doctor.


" While I was ironing my blouse, the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone , " she says.


" That explains one ear, but what about the other?"


" The stupid jerk called again!"


(X) Exercise....
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. ( Joan Rivers).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Just a few to hopefully amuse!



David
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Old 06-12-2020, 09:46 PM   #2
Evelyn
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