The Saddest News that Hit my Life

[Azale]

So, as some of you might have known, I went on a cruise for a week.

I have to admit, the cruise was nice.

Our last night I shared a nice moment with a friend of mine rooming with me. I think she is probably the only person I have actually confessed my mind to that isn't my journal.

I said something along the lines of, I feel as if no one cares about me. How that no matter what, my purpose is of no need and that no matter what everything can function without me. I am just a pawn, a slave, someone who isn't significant at all. Someone that no one loves.

Something along the lines of that, of course, worded differently.

So I return home today. And I remember someone. Someone who loved me day and night, no matter his mood, and no matter mine.

My bird.

Kai...

Apparently, he died a few days after I left. I have never been so distraught in all my life. I feel as if my heart had been torn out and thrown to pieces.

I feel awful. I always picutured us living out our days together for quite the time. I don't even know what to say. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. He loved me. And his life ended.

I apologize to the breeders especially. They trusted me to take care of their baby, and I failed them.

I'm sorry Kai. I miss you boy more than words can describe. I've never felt so awful in all my life.

My parents keep saying they'll get me a new one. But I don't know... maybe I really didn't take care of him. Maybe I tortured him day and night with neglect. Do I really want to put another bird through that?

I feel awful.

I'm sorry I failed as a parrotlet owner for everyone out there.

[birdiemom]

Oh No....I am so sorry. The little guys truly are the ones that love us always.
I really think they miss us too much when we leave them. Paulie started pulling out feathers when we left him for 2 nights.
But you didn't fail as a p'let owner...things happen. Try again when you feel ready. Maybe you can take a vacation where you little friend can go along.

[StephT25]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try to not beat yourself up. I'm sure it wasn't your fault. Maybe the time isn't right now for you to get another bird. But you'll know if there is a right time - and then maybe you can find a feathered friend who needs you as much as you need them.

I remember feeling as you did when I was very young - that no one cared and I could disappear off the face of the earth and no one would really notice. But it's simply just not true. Surely your parents' hearts would break if you were no longer with them and other family and friends as well. You may feel insignificant - but I'm almost positive that there are several people out there who feel they would be lost without you - even if they don't always show it or know how to express it.

[Pado]

I am very sorry to hear about Kai. I can only imagine your heartbreak. What devastating news to receive after returning from vacation.

As hard as losing a Pet is - unfortunately these things do happen and to good people. Azale, try not to be so hard on yourself - you are not to blame - these things just happen sometimes. Try to focus on the good times you had with Kai and do your best not to dwell on the whys.

Give yourself Time - it is an old cliché but time really does heal all wounds.

At one point or another in our lives, we all have our low points - during those times we may feel we are not valued or loved - but believe me, that feeling is usually wrong and time will always show us this – emotionally, keep yourself in a positive a place as possible.

[Azale]

Thanks guys...

I just feel like such a murderer. Like, I really did picture us, you know, hanging out together like forever, until he grows into a little old man. He was so young.... I just can't believe he is gone like that.

I just can't stop dwelling, I miss him so much.

[Dae]

I'm sorry for your loss. You didn't fail as a parrotlet owner, sometimes things beyond our control happen.

I'm sorry . . .

[memmey]

Azale I've gone back and read your posts and you mentioned that his habit of putting his leg over his wing was curious to you. Now looking back in retrospect maybe he had something wrong . Birds bones are hollow and that's why a break or fracture is so devastating. Pneumonia takes alot of them with bone injury I have read. Perhaps little Kai had an injury you were unaware of. Remember you said that he called you all the time...who knows friend why things happen. Take some time and think this through and analyze the events of his little life, maybe he showed signs of illness you weren't aware of or perhaps injury. Learn from this and his little life will have not been in vain. Good luck to you...stay with us and post all you want about him maybe we can help you search for answers.

[musicjan]

Azale, I'm so very sorry! I'm sure you arranged good care for him (your parents?) - but nonetheless, something happened. Who knows what?? Please know that you did the best for Kai and that somehow things just went wrong. Remember that you gave him good times and lots of love, and that he left this earth a happy little guy! Please DO stay around the board. I hope you can get another little friend!

[Kathy]

Azale, I'm so sorry to hear this. From what I've seen of your posts on here, you took good care of Kai and things in life sometimes just happen, way out of our control. If we could control everything, the world would be a perfect happy place, but unfortunately, that is so far from the truth.

Please feel better and do stay around on here. Perhaps you will one day be ready for another sweet P'let again :)

[The Spasticat]

Azale, so sorry to hear about Kai. But you did not fail as an owner. You loved him, and he knew that. You took care of him well, and it was just his time to go. He got to live out some very happy days with you. Pets can most definitely tell when they are loved, and I think that is the height of their lifetimes....and you loved him, so he had a great life! :) Keep your chin up!!! peace and prayers for ya, spasticat

[Azale]

Thanks for all your kind words.

The breeder asked me to visit today, she wanted to talk about Kai, and you know, share my feelings and such.

I've actually never met her, I only had made interactions with her partner. Judy I had only spoken with solely though email.

Anyways, Judy invited me over to dinner, and since I wanted to see all her beautiful birdies, I couldn't resist.

So we were sitting over dinner, and she said she called one of her psychic friends. I know this is kind of controversal. But I have heard about psychics talking to horses and it was absolutely amazing of what this one psychic relayed about a horse my friend knew.
Anyways, she said she got one of her psychics to talk to Kai's spirit. She said he choked on a pellet when my parents were at work, and said he didn't want to see me so sad.
I know it is kind of strange (here comes the waterworks... on my end) but I actually believe her. It is sad that he choked, but it kind of puts me at rest. I'm glad he still remembers me.
So she also got her psychic friend to pick out a bird for me. She said one bird apparently really wanted to go home with me. Her name is Ester, and she is a Dutch Blue Lovebird. She said she really wanted me to take her. I was a little reluctant at first, but she let me play with her all night, and I have to admit I have fallen in love again.
I am so touched by her, and her kind words to me. I can't believe she gave me such a sweet little treasure.

I also want to thank you guys for all your help and kindness with Kai. I'll be sure to stop by often. I guess you can call me a parrotlet owner at heart, because it was certaintly an experience I truly enjoyed.

(I also got to see Sadie and Surge - Kai's parents! :D )

[memmey]

Azale do not go who cares what kind of bird you have we want to hear about it. You belong here with us and we won't let you go, so if you don't post we will come looking for you. Now tell us about your love bird.....please

[Sally]

Yes, please stay. Kai sure was loved!

[Kathy]

YES, tell us about your new Lovebird. Did you already bring her home? They're very pretty!

[Dae]

Yeah, you should stay, we can't wait to hear about your little love bird! I bet she's beautiful! I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Good luck with your new lovebird.

You better stick around!!

[Azale]

Oh, haha alrighty.

Her name is Ester. I'm not sure if I wanted to keep it or not, but she I think the name really suits her. She is a Dutch Blue (I will post pics once the lighting outside gets better). She was born in February I think.
She is such a sweety, so different than Kai's hyperactiveness. She is the kind of bird that would literally sit on you all day, and just snuggle... and poo everywhere! lol.
Amazingly she actually let me take her home right away. She just wrapped her up in blankets, and shoved her into my jacket and off we went, and amazingly Ester was alright with it :)
She really is quite the little angel, and I think it's a blessing from Kai.
She was still being handfed... well not really, she doesn't HAVE to be, but she enjoys it, so Judy showed me how to make up the formula and feel if the crop is full, and I give her a little bit every morning and every night. She's a little suck that way.

Well that's about all for now. She is settling in slowly, i'm sure i'll have lots of stories to share :)

[marjet]

Azale what a shock it must have been to lose your dear little Kai like this... that such a little guy can cuase so much hurt.
I wish you all the luck and happiness with Ester although she will never replace Kai I suppose.

[Dae]

Yes, post pictures ASAP!!! :D

[Pado]

Congratulations Azale - Ester sounds just great. I hope she brings you great happiness. Can't wait to see her pics :)

[ArtS]

Azale,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of Kai.

I wish you the best of luck with Ester!

Regards,

Art S.

[Alyse]

I'm so happy that you have found a new love. Kai will never be forgotten but we're all very excited to see pictures and hear stories about Ester. I love dutch blues. they may be my favorite lovebird species. Good luck and like everyone else has said, please don't go!